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Loving Someone is the Hardest Thing I've Ever Done. (Part 2)

I know some people will say, "well you have to love yourself before you can truly love another person", but I do. Although I am nowhere near perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be, I've learned over the last year or so to be confident in my body, my mind, my spirit, and my potential to be great. I learned that I can grow both alone and with someone else along side me. I learned that I am worthy of love. I learned that I deserve more that just a moment. I also learned that it is possible to love yourself and still feel like you haven't done enough to love someone else.

Maybe this is just a growing pain, or maybe people just can't handle the amount of love I give them, or maybe people just don't want me. Whatever it is, I just hope this pain won't last forever.

In fact, I know this pain won't last forever.

I know that I am capable of receiving as much love as I put out into the world and into other people. The one thing that is hard to understand is that I have to be patient and that all of the things I don't want to happen in my life will continue to happen as long as I keep worrying about it. I'm keeping myself in this funk because I keep harping on it. That, and it's just not my time. The only thing I can control right at this moment in my life is my happiness and how I react to these situations.

It took a long time for me to get to this point, but with every situation that I've ever gone through, whether it was about my dad, or school, or my ex, or in society in general, I had to realize that I can't control what other people do to or for themselves, I can only control what I can do to or for myself. I can't control what they think about me, I can only control what I think of myself. That's it.

With all of this said, I have come to the decision that this is where I start changing how I think. With this blog, with this new phase in my life. This new awakening. This life I'm starting to accept and appreciate for what it is and for what I can make it be for myself.

Lonnie Pauls